This concept is hard to grasp. I've always had the lingering thought that my husband's "duty" was to make me happy. You know the saying "a happy wife means a happy life". Although having a wife in good spirits means a more pleasant home life, it doesn't mean that her happiness is dependent on her relationship with her husband.
Ultimately my happiness isn't found in my husband. In fact, it's not found in any human relationship. My joy can only be found through Christ alone. The Truth is that the primary purpose of marriage is to not make us happy, but to glorify God.
In pre-marital counseling, I read the book "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (I highly recommend this book to everyone!). This book tells that a woman's one driving need is to feel loved. When that need is met she is happy. While the man's one driving need is to feel respected.
True love - God's love - is unconditional and never fails. It is impossible for anyone to love another human perfectly on their own. We must dismiss the "fairytale" love that we as a society get caught up with. Love is a choice, an action. It is a commitment to act in the best interests of one another. God can love anyone through us, if we are willing to let Him.
When I got married, I not only made a promise to my husband but to God. We are in a three-way relationship not just two. From the moment I said "I do", Satan has been working against me, trying to attack my marriage. To combat the daily deceptions, I seek God in prayer and work to build my relationship with Him first before putting unjust expectations upon my husband.
To shift gears, this chapter in the book also addresses the issues marriages face. As humans, we are selfish people who naturally focus on our interests first. I find myself upset with my husband when he leaves dirty dishes throughout our house. When I get caught up in these "annoyances", I find myself angry and stressed. Satan wants us to believe that our husbands are supposed to serve us. The Truth is we were made to be our husband's helper. This doesn't mean we are inferior to him. We are never more like Jesus than when we are serving Him or others.
- Philippians 2:5-7
So the next time my husband leaves a day-old crusty chicken wing dinner plate on the floor of my living room, I won't grumble instead I will graciously pick up the mess. Why? Because there are so many things that he does for me that I don't recognize. We are here to serve one another.
The word submission is frowned upon in today's culture simply because we don't have a good understanding of the word. Submission shows our willingness to trust God and place ourselves under his authority. I'm thankful that I am under the wing of my husband, my protector who is under the wing of God. We both have different responsibilities in God's design for marriage. A husband is supposed to be the initiator.
Waiting on our husbands to be the initiator is difficult. We as women like to have control over situations and/or are natural fixers. Personally, I am a natural fixer. I like clean up things, complete lingering tasks and constantly be "progressing". The Lord wants us to sit back and be still. He will work through my husband in his own time. Nothing positive results from constant nagging when it isn't in the Holy Spirit's time.
Marriage is a life long covenant. If you are struggling, seek the Lord first. Remember there is no marriage that God cannot heal and no person that God cannot change. Even in the most difficult circumstances, His grace is sufficient. Satan want us to divorce because it attacks God. Marriage is difficult and takes great effort. Refocus on the covenant you made with God and shift your expectations from living in perfect fairytale love story to living a story glorifying Him. Trust me, you will find your true happiness there. I did!
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