Lies Women Believe ... About Children

God blessed us women with the ability to bear and nurture children. This chapter left me leaving many discussion questions blank simply because I am not a mother yet. My husband and I have discussed children and know that we want to start a family in the future. We've talked for hours day-dreaming on what it will feel like to have a little one to nurture but until we actually experience I think it's impossible to fathom the love we will feel for our child nor understand the work it goes into raising them.

I've heard many of times that a person doesn't know love until they've had a child, for it takes loving someone to a new whole level. And, trust me I believe them. As a photographer, I see many new parents in the first week of bearing a child. They each have a new sense of life and love as they hold, gazing at the little blessing God's given them. A parent's love is similar to Christ's fatherly love for us. It is impossible for any of us to understand how great that love is either but I hear being a parent gives us a good idea of how it starts. 

The most sensitive relationship a mother can have is with her child. This makes her particularly vulnerable to deception. Satan works hard to promote lies to place mothers in bondage. Many of these lies have become widely accepted in today's culture. 

Here is a lie that is a hot topic and very debatable: 

LIE: It's up to us to determine the size of our family.

TRUTH: God is the Creator and Giver of life. Anything that hinders or discourages women from fulfilling their God-given calling to be bearers and nurturers of life furthers Satan's efforts schemes and aids his efforts. 

The world tells us that children are a burden but God's Word says the complete opposite. Children are one of the greatest blessing He can give to a couple.

3 

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,

    the fruit of the womb a reward.

4 

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior

    are the children[a] of one's youth.

5 

Blessed is the man

    who fills his quiver with them!

He shall not be put to shame

    when he speaks with his enemies in the gate. 

- Psalm 127:3-5

After reading this lie, I was little taken back. Unsure of how exactly to absorb it, I discussed it with my husband. Are we sinning by planning for  the "right time" to start a family and for not letting God be in complete control of the process? This concept still isn't crystal clear but after some discussion with the women last night, I feel like I have more of a handle on the statement.

When we first got married, my husband and I chatted about when we wanted to start a family. After prayer and many long chats, we feel like we will know when the time is right when God places it on our hearts. I think it's vital to open our hearts and have this conversation with God. Let Him speak to you and guide you through this process. If we fail to listen to him, that may be sinful but if we involve Him in the process we aren't sinning for family planning. 

Every couple has their own reasons for family planning. It may be that you aren't ready financially or haven't settled into a home suitable for raising a family. Whatever your reason may be, it's important that you aren't planning for selfish reasons - you're planning to be responsible and give Him glory.  

28 And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” 

- Genesis 1:28

God fills our hearts with wisdom to make the right choices. To gather wisdom, we have to spend quality time in prayer. The bottom line is that the creation of life is in God's hands. We don't have control over when that will happen but we can aid in the process by listening to His guidance and determining when that timeframe is. If we rightfully use His wisdom, God will be glorified. 

My husband and I cannot wait to be parents someday. We've put our faith in Him and whenever that time comes to start a family, we will be ready! I plan to keep this book in a safe place that I can find in the future. I think it will be interesting to go back and look at how my perspective has changed once I become a mother. Until then, I'll continue my dreaming. :) 

Lies Women Believe ... About Marriage

We all are guilty of getting caught up in romantic movies and Disney fairytales. It has been ingrained in our minds that in order to live a happy life we must marry and this prince charming has the responsibility to make us happy.

This concept is hard to grasp. I've always had the lingering thought that my husband's "duty" was to make me happy. You know the saying "a happy wife means a happy life".  Although having a wife in good spirits means a more pleasant home life, it doesn't mean that her happiness is dependent on her relationship with her husband.

Ultimately my happiness isn't found in my husband. In fact, it's not found in any human relationship. My joy can only be found through Christ alone. The Truth is that the primary purpose of marriage is to not make us happy, but to glorify God.

In pre-marital counseling, I read the book "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (I highly recommend this book to everyone!).  This book tells that a woman's one driving need is to feel loved.  When that need is met she is happy. While the man's one driving need is to feel respected. 

True love - God's love - is unconditional and never fails. It is impossible for anyone to love another human perfectly on their own. We must dismiss the "fairytale" love that we as a society get caught up with. Love is a choice, an action. It is a commitment to act in the best interests of one another. God can love anyone through us, if we are willing to let Him. 

When I got married, I not only made a promise to my husband but to God. We are in a three-way relationship not just two. From the moment I said "I do", Satan has been working against me, trying to attack my marriage. To combat the daily deceptions,  I seek God in prayer and work to build my relationship with Him first before putting unjust expectations upon my husband. 

To shift gears, this chapter in the book also addresses the issues marriages face. As humans, we are selfish people who naturally focus on our interests first. I find myself upset with my husband when he leaves dirty dishes throughout our house. When I get caught up in these "annoyances", I find myself angry and stressed. Satan wants us to believe that our husbands are supposed to serve us. The Truth is we were made to be our husband's helper. This doesn't mean we are inferior to him. We are never more like Jesus than when we are serving Him or others. 

"Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men."
- Philippians 2:5-7

So the next time my husband leaves a day-old crusty chicken wing dinner plate on the floor of my living room, I won't grumble instead I will graciously pick up the mess. Why? Because there are so many things that he does for me that I don't recognize. We are here to serve one another.

The word submission is frowned upon in today's culture simply because we don't have a good understanding of the word. Submission shows our willingness to trust God and place ourselves under his authority. I'm thankful that I am under the wing of my husband, my protector who is under the wing of God. We both have different responsibilities in God's design for marriage. A husband is supposed to be the initiator. 

Waiting on our husbands to be the initiator is difficult. We as women like to have control over situations and/or are natural fixers. Personally, I am a natural fixer. I like clean up things, complete lingering tasks and constantly be "progressing". The Lord wants us to sit back and be still. He will work through my husband in his own time. Nothing positive results from constant nagging when it isn't in the Holy Spirit's time.

"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" - Psalm 27:14

Marriage is a life long covenant. If you are struggling, seek the Lord first. Remember there is no marriage that God cannot heal and no person that God cannot change. Even in the most difficult circumstances, His grace is sufficient. Satan want us to divorce because it attacks God. Marriage is difficult and takes great effort. Refocus on the covenant you made with God and shift your expectations from living in perfect fairytale love story to living a story glorifying Him. Trust me, you will find your true happiness there. I did! 

Lies Women Believe...About Priorities

We all live by priorities. The question is: are we living by the right priorities? The word "priority" comes from the Latin word, prior which means "first". Every woman has their own personal priorities and those priorities change as they transition through each season of life. I know firsthand that my priorities have changed drastically over the last five years. Matter-of-fact they have changed even in the last year.

Looking back, sometimes I wonder how I ever made it through college. I didn't wake up every day and ask God to guide and direct my heart. Most of the time I prayed when I needed something like extra perseverance to get through a final exam or safety when traveling. I was absent mindedly walking in my faith and thought just because I attended church that was suffice. I was immature and had a lot to learn about my relationship with God. 

Thankfully God never left, he was at my side even when I ignored his agenda and was distracted by my own.

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." - Deuteronomy 31:8. 

Fast-forward a couple of years to 2013. I'm a married woman and living a happy, healthy life but a part of me felt as if something was missing. I had a loving family, a nice home, a car, a good job, healthy lifestyle and a loving, supportive husband...so what was it? It took me awhile but I finally opened my heart to hear what God was trying to tell me all along. I thought I could handle each day as it came, apart from the presence, wisdom and grace of God. I was suffering from an independent self-sufficient spirit causing me to be prideful. The Scripture tells us that "God resists the proud" (James 4:6). As I continued to walk in pride, God resisted me and my efforts. I thought I didn't need Him every day. I only sought Him in time of desperation. The Truth is I needed Him. I needed to invite him into my life to live according to His priorities and to fulfill His plan. 

Being a self-employed business owner, it is extremely hard to separate business from personal life. I am guilty of thinking they aren't enough hours in the day to complete daily to-do lists. The feeling of being overwhelming is my fault. At the end of the day, I'm left feeling frazzled and stressed. I bring this completely upon myself for God wants us to go to bed every night saying that I finished the work the He gave me to do. The Lord knows my schedule, therefore I need to seek Him to make wise choices throughout the day.

"My Son, if you accept my word and store up my commands within you, 

turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding - 

indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding,

and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as a hidden treasure, 

then you will understand the fear of the Lord 

and find the knowledge of God." - Proverbs 2:1-6

Even though my husband and family are VERY important to me, God has to be the top priority. When I am hungry, (which is most of the day) I eat. I can easily stop whatever task I'm working on to grab a snack. Why can't I stop a task to spend time in the Word?  I need to feed on the Word to strength my soul for my soul far out lives my physical body. 

..."It is written: 'Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God."  - Matthew 4:4

I am a person of habit. When I realized that I have selfishly been living all these years without asking Jesus into my day each and every morning, I was living an empty life. I started a morning routine a few months ago and I can honestly say that my life is filled with so much greater inner peace and satisfaction knowing that God is directing me in all I do. With practice, I have developed a morning having of spending time with God in His Word and prayer.  This time with Him is special, free of distraction and completely one-on-one. Jesus, himself, had a habit of going off alone to pray. 

"Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed." - Mark 1:35

After this time spent with Him, I know I am fully equipped to be fruitful in my day's work. If you haven't made it a priority to spend time with God, I challenge you to do so. Here are some closing thoughts to leave you with: 

1. Find a time and place to be alone with God to pray and spend time in scripture. The morning works best with me. I can start my day knowing that I have invited Him into my heart to walk along side me in all I do. 

2. Practice makes habit. A habit becomes a priority. Make purposeful time developing your relationship with God your top priority. 

3. We desperately need Jesus. Learn to diligently obey and seek Him. 

4. God resists the proud. Don't be foolish in believing that you don't need God every day at every moment. He gives grace to the humble. Humble yourself before Him, acknowledging that you cannot make it on your own. 

"I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word." - Psalms 119:147

Lies Women Believe...About Sin

Sin. When we hear the word most would associate it with a negative wrongdoing. What if I were to tell you that sin is "good news"? Have you ever been in a situation where you know you messed up and all you long for is forgiveness? You want to clear up the situation and move past it. I've been in that situation many of times, leaving me with a hole in my stomach, longing for a resolution.

God is a merciful. Fortunately, there IS a remedy for our sins. No sin is trivial. In God's eyes, all sin is equal - no matter how great or how small. We must make the choice to seek repentance. God purposely gave us the choice to rely on Him instead of the pint of ice cream in the fridge that so many of us think will solve all our problems.  :)

In a society filled with profanity, immodesty and immoral behavior, we naturally aren't appalled by the sin going on around us. We become tolerant of it, programming our minds to think that what we watch on TV, listen on the radio, magazines we read are okay. They are acceptable.

Many of times I've been in a situation where I had to make a choice. For example: if a fellow Christian asks me to go to a movie that is against everything I stand for, I would still go thinking it's not that bad to watch it since I'm attending with a fellow Christian. Wrong. No sin is trivial. Society has put a "degree" on sin - meaning worrying, being judgmental, excessive consumption, gossiping, etc. is far less worse than someone who committed adultery or murder. That is simply not the case.
14 "For God will bring every deed into judgment,
    including every hidden thing,
    whether it is good or evil."
- Ecclesiastes 12:14

Sinning and getting away with it is the most fundamental lie that Satan tells. The reason many of us disobey God is because we believe we can get away with it. How foolish of us! According to Hebrews 11: 25, sin does bring pleasure for a short time but ultimately inflicts a devastating toll.
"He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin."

Each of us has a sinful nature. I challenge you to become conscious of the sin you are prone to. I know I personally are prone to worrying and being judgmental. We must learn to say no to our flesh and yes, to God. If we open our hearts to let God be in control of our lives, he will provide us freedom from fear, guilt and doubt that we may no longer have to be enslaved to sin.

The Cross reveals to us the incredible cost God paid to redeem us from those 'weaknesses' that we trivialize in our minds.

"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved."
- Ephesians 2:4-6

I give thanks God for sending Jesus to set me free from sin's bondage. I don't have to live my life in worry, wondering if I will receive His mercy. God will give me freedom, faith and assurance of forgiveness when I make the choice to rely on Him instead of earthly things. Through the death of Christ, God has made the one and only acceptable provision for our sins.